April 08, 2008

American Idol Blogging

Christy Lee Cook's titties - awesome; Paula Abdul's titties - lopsided as hell. Her bosom's listing like the Titanic.

Is it just me, or does the dread lock guy do the same thing every week: a guitar with a side of whispery singing. The judges love it. I mean, apparently he's cracked the secret to winning American Idol - get a funny haircut and sing like a pussy. I guess that would make Sanjaya the exception, but there's one to every rule isn't there?

I would buy a David Cook album.
As long as he doesn't put the song he did tonight on it. It was preachy, musically uninteresting, something Bono might do; and, in a word, gay.

I understand Carly Smithson had a rough night tonight; but I would pay money to get my ass kicked by her. She just looks like someone who can deliver a really hot can of whoopass. I've got half a pack of Rolaids in my Hanes just thinkin' about it.

David Archuleta is a fantastic singer, but he clearly lacks deep inspiration. He's one of those few gifted people who, if given a halfway decent arrangement, could sing you the alphabet and it would give you goosebumps. His talent is enough to get him by for the rest of his life, singing other peoples' songs and standing on the shoulders of musicians. I wonder what the impact would be if he was wholly unleashed to create a song from top to bottom.

This blog post was brought to you by Apple, who apparently brings us all things American Idol. Seriously, there is at least one MacBook Air, Ipod, and Iphone in every fucking episode.

Brooke White fucking cried again. For fuck's sake woman, put on your big girl panties! Pathetic. You wanna cry? I'll give you something to cry about and send your ass home. I seriously believe that this woman has some weird behavioral issues, and I imagine that most of the people who knew her before American Idol - you know, coworkers, aquaintances, people who see her walking down the street - would willingly stand in line to kick her in the cunt. I'm just saying, she strikes me as someone who is highly annoying.

Posted by shank at April 8, 2008 08:14 PM | TrackBack