The fiancee has what I call a creativity-based, emotional response to stress. I'm not saying it's a bad thing at all, I mean, she eventually comes to some enlightened decisions. It's just the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride through the depths of complete and utter pandemonium that I can't handle.
Well, and sometimes I unknowingly set it off, but that's neither here nor there. I had a little nooner with the boss yesterday, whose son recently tied the knot. So naturally, the wedding thing comes up, and we chit-chat back and forth. She's very engaging, my boss. A sense of humor that smarts like a bullwhip.
Anyways, I come home yesterday and start talking about all the fresh wedding ideas I have. A somewhat unusual situation, since I tend to let her run the wedding plans; but not unheard of. So we talk about a few things, blahblahblah, and everything's fine. Then, at like 10:30pm,
the surface starts to crack, and she begins her decent into madness.
She clams up. There's the vacant stare, the somewhat disassociated demeanor, and the expressionless face. I guess I'm kind of afraid that maybe I know it's already started, this stress management of hers, so I drop a depth charge.
"Hey, everything okay. You look a little stressed, what can I do for ya?"
"Eh. Nothin'."
"Okay."
Then the sniffling starts.
"Babe, really, talk to me. You wouldn't want me to just lay there and do this, you'd want to help. What's up?"
"Really," her voice is quivering now as she talks in between sniffles, "I don't think it's anything you can help me with."
"Okay, but if you want to talk or vent, just do it." This usually does the trick, and in true form, it works.
"WE'VE ONLY GOT SIX MONTHS LEFT AND WEDON'TEVENHAVETHECAKECUTTINGSONGPICKEDOUTYET!"
"Ho, hey. We've got a dress, food, a place t-"
"Yeah, but there's a millionotherthingstodobetweennowandthe-"
"It's okay. I swear, we've got plenty of time to iron things out; we've got plenty of people to help us. I'd say we're 80% complete at this point."
It is here that the litany reaches full pitch. She begins to lament everything from her shitty groom (hey, right here dear, hi, me), to our busy schedules, to the wedding party - everything is on the table now. Ah, the sound of hysterics at full volume. But see, this is where she releases the tension. I don't let it bother me because she only does it about the wedding and it seems to help her gain clarity.
Eventually, we get all calmed down, and we're talking and laughing. I turn and say "You know, you gave blood today. Maybe you're body's just exhausted from the drain." She gives blood often, and has been known to suffer side effects. "Yeah. Oh, that and the only pills left for this month are the placebo's." I grown and roll back over, at least we found the root cause.
She's fucking crazy. Help me.
Please?
I just noticed that I mispelled 'groan' in the last few lines there; instead spelling the homonymn. Hm. Dumbass.
Posted by: shank at September 28, 2005 07:56 AMCake cutting song? That's easy dude. The theme from Looney Tunes...you know, the one they play at the begining of every cartoon.
Posted by: Paul at September 28, 2005 08:04 AMBelieve it or not, that song has a name: "Merry Go R ound Broke Down".
Posted by: SilverBlue at September 28, 2005 11:32 AMSorry for the strange spacing, but your nice program won't let the word go and the word ro be next to each other. LOL.
Posted by: SilverBlue at September 28, 2005 11:33 AMUmmmm...by "nooner with the boss" do you mean a lunchtime meeting or something similar? Because where I come from, a "nooner" is a quick lunchtime liason and it sounds to me like you and your boss were a couple of bee-bop babies on a hard's day night, if you catch my drift.
Posted by: Victor at September 28, 2005 02:21 PMDude, I finally made it past the "nooner" reference (substituting "meeting" so I could get the image of two guys going at it out of my mind) and now I'm stuck at finding out your boss is a girl! That's cool and all, I think I've had more female supervisors than male to be honest, but dude! You and your boss are doing Breakin' Two: Electric Boogaloo just a month and a half before your wedding?
DUDE! Yours aren't brass, they're fucking PLUTONIUM!
OK, I'm going to try to read the rest of it now.
Posted by: Victor at September 28, 2005 02:25 PMVic, my boss is older than my mom. I wouldn't hit that shit with your dick.
Posted by: shank at September 28, 2005 02:34 PMOK, made it to the end, at last, and this line really struck me:
She begins to lament everything from her shitty groom...
Do you blame her? Her groom has lunchtime liasons with his boss and you expect her to think you're a prince? THIS GIRL'S TOO GOOD FOR YOU, SHANK!
(BTW, I probably wouldn't have read this if it weren't for Jen so blame her.)
Posted by: Victor at September 28, 2005 02:35 PMVic, my boss is older than my mom. I wouldn't hit that shit with your dick.
My dick and I appreciate that, Shank.
What can I say, I'm a man of the people!
Posted by: shank at September 28, 2005 02:44 PMEspecially older female people in positions of authority, apparently.
Posted by: Ted at September 28, 2005 07:49 PM