August 22, 2005

Invitations

Wedding invitations are by far the most infuriating waste of money on the face of this Earth. They're like hundreds and hundreds of dollars!

The entire design is completely retarded. Firstly, you put the invitation in an envelope right. Then, you put this thingie into another envelope, along with this stupid card and another fricken envelope! What the hell people?

I mean, when I was a kid the local skating rink used to host birthday parties. If you had your party there, the rink would send these little postcard invites to all your little crumb-snatching, rugrat friends. It doesn't really take three fucking envelopes and three sheets of paper to invite someone to a shindig am I right? Or email. Why can't we just send a mass email to everyone, and have them RSVP?

Well, apparently women are insane. Did you know when they're little girls they starts planning and thinking about their wedding? Like how they want it to be and all that? Okay, show of hands, how many of the men here ever thought about what kind of cake they wanted at their wedding say, more than a year before they got married? Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, I don't even know what I'm going to wear each day until I get up, and the women are planning this wedding thing like decades in advance. The only thing I've ever planned more than a year in advance was a car loan or a mortgage. And I only did that because I had to.

So in the end, I've concluded what every married man already knew: You can't fight 'em on anything. A logical appeal doesn't register when they've spent years living their wedding day in their minds, yapping it up with other women about how they're getting married. It's like a fucking cult man; and my fiancee is only a fraction of the freak that some of these other women are. I agree with her, and count my blessings that she's not completely lost her mind.

Posted by Id at August 22, 2005 05:23 PM | TrackBack
Comments

i am one chick who has never "dreamed/planned" my wedding since childhood. in fact, the thought of being permanently attached to someone frightens the hell out of me!

Posted by: jenE at August 22, 2005 05:39 PM

Id, are you registered at LintBrushes'R'Us? I mean, in case we want to buy you a wedding gift or something.

Posted by: Ted at August 22, 2005 09:38 PM

As a matter of fact I am, for one of those large diameter jobs with gripping ribs on the handle. Woo-hoo!

Posted by: shank at August 22, 2005 09:46 PM

We had the whole wedding/reception/honeymoon thing going on and I for one could have cared less. I had never really given any thought to a wedding and then when I had to I found it to be a big pain in the ass. Would have preferred to spend all that money on something else, just elope and have the honeymoon.

Have you decided on the honeymoon? We went to St. Barth in the French West Indies. Very nice and romantic.

Posted by: Jackie at August 23, 2005 10:54 AM

Heh. Getting married is a racket; the trick is figuring out how to push it off on someone else.

In the time I've been dating my girlfriend, she's been a bridesmaid twice. The first time, she spent hours, and hours, and hours hand-cutting an intricate design (kindof like a celtic knot) into wedding invitation cards that were then calligrafied by another bridesmaid. The second time, she designed the invites on the computer, bought the card stock, and ran 'em all off on the printer.

Each time, it cost her a fortune in time, cash and energy. Each time, the cost to the bride was zippo. She cursed the bride the whole way through it each time, but I'm sure the bride didn't mind, as it saved her the aggrivation of doing it herself. After all, that's what bridesmaids are for; much like how groomsmen are there simply to rent the strippers for the bachelor party. Doing shit the bride dosen't want to do herself is their sole function.

Posted by: francis at August 25, 2005 02:55 AM

This is exactly why God invented eloping. Or was it shotgun weddings? Can't ever tell those two apart.

Posted by: Jim at August 25, 2005 04:49 PM
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