Id's Cage

The Twilight Zone

So the trip to Georgia was quite that. The place I went to is so small, that I couldn't mapquest it. So I googled it, and discovered that it's consistently mispelled, went back to mapquest and was able to locate it under its mispelled name. Ha!

The town has a population of 402, and no traffic lights. I take that back - there's a blinking yellow light somewhere on the main state road running through town. There's one store (a quick mart of some type), an elementary school, and a Methodist church. That's it man - nothing else. I have no fucking clue what those 402 people do to support themselves because there's no mechanics, repairmen, tradesmen, shops, retailers, industry, or any goddamn thing there. I figure they must take welfare checks or something.

Couldn't get cellphone reception out there either. Not that I was expecting a call or anything, but with that fucking dusche running around TV asking "Can ya hear me now? How 'bout now?", acting like you can get cell reception all over the place; you'd think they'd be able to follow through. If I ever see that prick out and about I'm shoving that phone in his ass and shouting "How 'bout now bitch!"

Pumped my great uncle for info on the war. Not interested necesarily in the history, just think primary sources are absolutley amazing. And for a guy who's eighty some-odd years old, that mofo can ratchet-jaw all day long. I mean, I asked him about the war, and three hours later I came out of my trance and he was still talking about how he and his buddies would weasel out of 20-mile radius vacation leave.

And just in case someone is planning to make Screven County, Georgia a vacation destination anytime soon I have a few pieces of advice. Firstly, bring something to do, because there ain't jack shit to do unless you enjoy watching grass grow. I mean, even if you wanted to do something, you couldn't because you're so far away from everything that it would take you five hours just to drive somewhere where there was something to do. Second, bring bug spray. And by that I mean call Orkin and have them hook you up with whatever they have in the way of immunizations, because the mosquitoes are so damn big they can screw chickens standing flat-footed. I saw the shit, but couldn't get the digicam in time.

And finally, I need to impart some knowledge I gained while on vacation. This is important too, so pay attention. Dogs can eat chocolate. Everyone always says not to let the dog eat chocolate because apparently it makes their hearts explode or some shit. This weekend, my cousin's lab mix knocked a two-layer double chocolate cake off the buffet table, and ate more than half of that son of a bitch. That dog ate more cake than I could eat in one sitting, and took it like a champ. Fuck, I bet there's a majority of people out there that couldn't eat as much chocolate as this dog did without getting sick. The fucker didn't barf, moan, or anything. Matter of fact, I think she took a nap. We weren't even in the house when she did it, so she had the opportunity to eat as much of that cake as she possibly could. Amazing.